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My Childhood Boyfriend Raped Me to Re-enact Porn


*Strong Trigger Warning: This blog describes real acts of sexual abuse/assault against children. We share these stories to elevate the voices of the survivors, draw attention to the root causes of sexual abuse/assault, and mobilize a movement of people demanding required age verification on porn sites. Sign the petition here.

“Porn is harmless… People can tell the difference between fantasy and real life.” -Pro-porn commenters

We’ve heard statements like these time and time again from people attempting to defend the underage use of porn. Yes, believe it or not, there are actually people out there that think it’s great for kids to look at porn. But their arguments that porn is harmless are weak and lack basis in any fact. Conversely, the link between porn use and harmful sexual behavior is well documented.

Instances of sexual abuse and assault related to porn use are rampant, even among kids, and scientific studies are revealing in great numbers that it is common for adolescents to try to act out what they’ve seen in porn.

This is a disturbing reality because we’re not just talking about sex. Gang bang scenes, rape scenes (sometimes real rape), incest, and BDSM are not rare in online porn—they have become synonymous with it and can be found in just seconds through a simple Google search.

At Exodus Cry, we’ve received hundreds of stories from those who were exposed to porn as kids and were damaged by it. Many are stories of sexual abuse in which both the perpetrator and the victim were children. One theme in particular has been prominent: Girls are being pressured, and in many cases forced, to re-enact porn scenes.

Yes, kids are raping other kids because of what they see in porn.

The following stories are disturbing but, tragically, they illustrate what untold numbers of children are facing today. Because virtually no porn sites require effective age verification of its site visitors, kids are learning what sex looks like from a violent and sociopathic educator. It’s important to note that in each of the stories below, the girls were in intimate, trusting relationships with their abusers. The perpetrators were not random strangers who took advantage, they were boys whose sexual templates were shaped by violent and graphic porn.

Yes, kids are raping other kids because of what they see in porn.

Rebecca’s Story: Violence and Rape

“When I was in middle school I had a boyfriend that was mentally, verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive. He had asked me for months to have sex with him, and I always said no. He had a serious porn addiction.

He would always tell me I don’t look or act like the porn stars he watches. I did not like to watch porn, it made me uncomfortable and nervous. He would send me videos he downloaded off Pornhub. He would tell me if I don’t act like them and do exactly what they were doing he would kill me. I was too scared to seek help, so this went on for months. It was terrifying.

It got to the point he wanted me to shave a certain way, address him with specific names, and he had an impulse to have his hands down my pants anytime we were in public together. I never said yes to sex and we never did have sex.

He gave me an ultimatum: have sex with me by your birthday or kill yourself. I tried to kill myself and failed. He then knocked me unconscious and proceeded to rape me. I moved states and never saw him again, but he still contacted me over social media every day.

When I asked him why he did what he did, he told me it was just a kink he caught while watching porn. He said “it’s just BDSM, look it up, girls love to get raped and threatened with death.” It took me a year to completely lose contact with him. He ended up in prison for a year.” – Rebecca*

RELATED: This Is How Porn Damages a Developing Child
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Fiona’s Story: Gang Rape

“When I was 11, in 6th grade, I had a boyfriend who was in 8th grade. It started out as him just wanting to have fun with sex and watching porn, recreating scenarios from the videos. But one day I went over and seven of his friends were with him. My ‘boyfriend’ came in, took me to the other room and told me to trust him and assured me everything was going to be okay and that he loved me.

He then walked me out and his friends were getting undressed. My ‘boyfriend’ got out his phone to record and said ‘y’all can start now.’ His seven friends raped me that night. After they left, he told me he thought it’d be better, and that he saw it in a video. For the next two and a half years I was trapped in a relationship where he exploited me through the production of pornography and prostitution against my will.” – Fiona*
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Katherine’s Story: Grooming and Rape

“​​When I was 16 years old I was in a relationship with a boy who I had grown up with. He was my best friend. We talked every single day and he had told me before that he had been struggling with porn, but I really didn’t think anything of it. As our relationship progressed he would start texting me late at night asking me for pictures of myself doing sexual things for him. I really didn’t want to, but he insisted that if I cared for him I would do it.

“it’s just BDSM, look it up, girls love to get raped and threatened with death.”

This went on for a while until eventually it led him into convincing me that in order to get ‘better’ at these sexual favors that I should watch porn. This then led me to be really addicted to porn, which led to insecurities about myself and my body, as well as a really unrealistic idea of how sex is and what it should be.

We had never done anything sexual together in person and I really didn’t think that anything would happen since we were both so shy when we were actually together. I remember it being so fun to hang out and just be teenagers. As the night went on, I turned over to face him and he just kissed me out of the blue. I remember feeling unprepared for my first kiss and I was feeling excited, but then I went to back off and breathe and he shoved himself into me more while I was trying to get away.

I just remember feeling scared when he persisted. I remember saying that I didn’t want to go any further. He tried to reassure me saying he wasn’t going to, then not much later I was trying to shove him off of me and he held me down and told me I didn’t get a choice in it, now that he had me it was his right. I remember thinking in my head that this must be ‘normal,’ that this must be how women are supposed to be treated as I had seen it in porn, so it must be okay for him to treat me like an object.

I remember him saying after he had finished that I wasn’t very good and I needed to watch more porn stars so I could get better, that that was how I can ‘show my love.’ I was only 16, and I had never felt so hurt and used. This created such an unhealthy image of myself and love. I really wish I was never exposed to it in the first place.” – Katherine
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*Pseudonyms used to protect the authors where requested

Underage exposure to porn is devastating millions of kids around the world. Here are three ways you can help strengthen the fight to #ProtectChildrenNotPorn:

1. Join 50,000+ others by signing the petition demanding age verification, with ID, on every single porn site. Then share it.

Sign the Petition

2. Watch Raised on Porn, free on YouTube, then like, comment, and share it with 5 friends.

Watch Raised on Porn

3. Give. The more resources we have the more people we can reach with this film and campaign.

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If you or someone you know is struggling with a porn addiction, you can take a look at out our resources and if you’d like to share your story with us, send it to us here or tag us on social media (@exoduscry) and use the hashtag #PornHurtMe. You are not alone.

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